I told you that I would be blogging more! I have been debating whether or not to write this particular blog. But, I recently had a discussion with a client of mine that made me rethink that decision.
A few days ago, I was cleaning out a client's closet and preparing her wardrobe for the upcoming seasonal change. My process usually involves me pulling every single item out of my client's closet, throwing it on their beds, and then having them separate everything into piles: Keep, Donate, Sell. I have them try on every single article of clothing, and talk them through why I think they should or should not keep a piece. After helping walk a few people through this process, I realized that not only do we as humans tend to hoard things that no longer serve us in our wardrobes, but we do it in our lives as well.
My last client has a shopping problem. I have attempted numerous times to educate her on when something is a good investment or not (Quality, Taste, Style, Versatility...) and it just doesn't seem to effect her. Like many women, she fluctuates in her weight, and the clothes she held on to from when she was her smallest (and starving herself) bring up painful memories and make her feel inadequate. As she clung on to a cheap, ill fitting, polyester sundress from a box store, tearfully trying to make it fit, I had a realization...She was doing to her closet what I had been doing in my life.
How many times have I sat across from another person, be it friend, or romantic interest, trying so hard to squeeze, wiggle, and force a perfect match? Almost always.
Maybe it's with the latest release of Beyonce's "Lemonade" that has me inspired to talk about what happened to me. Maybe it's because I am simply too tired to answer any more questions about it. Maybe it's because it's time to clean the skeletons out of my closet...
My last relationship was the equivalent of the stained sweatpants you can't get rid of from high school. It was sort of comfortable, it was definitely stained, stretched, and wasn't doing much of anything for anyone. About a year into the relationship, I learned that there was some serious infidelity issues going on. I waited until ten months to bring it up. I essentially sat in an oversized hoodie of a relationship because it was comfortable. It definitely wasn't working for me. I might as well have been in an open relationship with his phone (the device he used to be unfaithful with.)
Being in a relationship with a man who refuses to show you his phone is the equivalent of wearing leggings as pants. It's awkward for all parties involved. It's enough effort to get by. You deserve an open and honest relationship. Just like you deserve real pants.
So, I let the infidelity slide. Maybe it'll get better! Just like I may manage to make this stretched and faded t-shirt work if I accessorize it a bit. I'm not crazy! You are! This is totally working. I may look like I'm from People Of Wal-Mart. But that's a look! I stayed for almost an entire year after finding this out, guys. This was just the tip of the iceberg. There are a million other reasons why it didn't work out in the long run. There was the hustling for two, the mind numbing day in and day out of being the only one doing chores, and being constantly reminded every single day that I wasn't enough. The snide comments, the inability to show me that he was proud to be with me...it was maddening. But, it was comfortable.
And then, one of my best friends moved in town from LA. We had gone out previously, and kissed once (or fifty times) there was an undeniable spark between the two of us. However, with us living across the country, we agreed to remain friends, and our relationship was kept on the phone. You know that expression "Nothing haunts us like the things we didn't buy?" He was the equivalent of this vintage Louis Vuitton bag I should have bought two years prior...Couldn't shake him. And so, once he moved to Nashville, and saw the state my life was in, he showed me that I deserved real pants...and someone who was proud to be with me.
When he moved back to town, I was reminded of purchasing my first designer item of clothing. As a teenager, I worked a few jobs to help pay for gas, and bought the usual Forever 21 bologna. And then, one day, I decided I wanted a pair of really nice jeans. I saved and saved, and finally walked into the store to purchase them. I had never felt as beautiful as I did in those jeans. I went home, neatly hung them up in my closet, and never went back. As an adult, I have cultivated a wardrobe full of beautiful pieces that are high quality. They are pieces that I am proud to be seen in. It's organized in a way to make my life easier. And everything fits! If I wouldn't settle for mediocrity in my closet, I definitely wasn't about to settle into it in my personal life! Your relationship should fit like the perfect jeans. They should be comfortable, but support you in all the right places. My old friend became my new boyfriend, and I don't plan on going back to the faded, ill-fitting leggings any time soon.
Guys, you deserve someone who will hand over their phones because they have nothing to hide. You deserve beautiful fabrics hanging in your closet that make you feel like a million dollars. And you sure as hell deserve to have someone who doesn't shove skeletons in the back of their closets next to their Crocs.
Keep your closets dusted, and keep your minds clear.
-Your sister in denim
