Wow! It's been four months since I've sat down to write an entry here. I have been keeping up with my writing, only now it is for magazines, and my own personal journal. So much has changed, and I am excited to share with you!
A few weeks ago, my sister and I were having lunch together. She turned 21 in August, and was feeling confused and scared about the direction of her life. The pressure to have a life plan in place was starting to take its toll on her, and her demeanor was that of someone about to enter into the ring at a bull fight. I remembered that feeling all too well.
The moment that best summed up being 21 was when the house that I was renting from a friend, flooded. There was something that went wrong with the washing machine, and the next thing you know, my backyard was a pool of jeans, and the smell of moldy clothes wafted through the air. I sat on the floor of my living room, in the water, drinking vodka from the bottle and crying. I looked back on that memory, and felt an extreme gratitude for it.
During that time period, I wrote down the life that I truly wanted. My journal entry was three pages, front and back, and I described the home I wanted, the partner of my dreams, the dogs I longed to hear pattering around the house, and the job I wanted so badly that I could taste it. I was determined to make this life mine. With a determined slam of the notebook, I held my head high, and was ready to tackle this plan.
And then, I lost steam. This is the vicious cycle of the self-help junkie. I took the easy way out. I was broken, and attracted broken people to me. I had this realization that every single failed relationship (romantic, friendly, family) had happened because my pattern of being broken, and attracting people who were only in to being in my life when I was down. My relationships always ended with me trying to better myself, and the person I was with feeling threatened by it, me getting fed up, and walking away.
And then, a book fell into my hands. "You Are A Badass" by Jen Sincero was recommended to me by my friend Shelby. I started to implement her teachings, and immediately began to notice differences. I removed toxic people from my life. I hired a life coach. My business started to grow. My now husband and I started dating. In a period of seven months, my world is barely recognizable to the one I had at the start of 2016.
Readers, I woke up today next to the man that meets everything and then some that I described in my journal entry, nearly five years ago. He is kind, and considerate, and gentle, is the most handsome man I've ever laid eyes on, and truly the best friend that I've ever had. We live in a home that is even more beautiful than the one I could have ever described in journal entries. Our precious pups are snoozing in the sun room. I have meetings, and client followups, and a bank account that would allow me to take myself out to a nice lunch if I really wanted it...for someone who used to dig for quarters in her couch to find a few bucks for a cup of coffee, that in itself is remarkable. I walk around my home and look at the kitchen that is bigger than an apartment I once had, and could barely afford to pay for. I smile at our wedding photo that hangs in our beautiful living room. And I feel for the first time in my twenty five years that this is the life that I was meant to have.
I'm writing this to give a bit of hope to everyone out there that is struggling. I know what it's like to live on beans and rice, and to crash on your friends' couches, to feel alone, even if you're with someone. The feeling of things never getting any better was so comfortable to me, that when they did, I was scared shitless!!! But, I'm here to tell you guys that you've got to start living your life on purpose and WITH purpose.
So many people let life happen to them, instead of making it work for them. "Oh, I'm stuck here. I hate my job, but this is as good as its gonna get." "I don't really love this person with every fiber of my being, but it's better than being alone." "I really wanted to be a (dancer, writer, nurse, photographer, teacher) but it'll never happen..." Cut that shit out. You are going to die one day. It's time you start living like it.
Get your hands on that book, or any book that will help change the way you look at life. Hire a life coach by any means necessary. Start a meditation practice. Get an accountability partner. Download the 5 Minute Journal app, and start each day with it (It has you write down the three things you're grateful for, your intention for the day, and affirmations) Write down your dream life game plan, and do something small every day to chip away at it. For me, it's planning the next Fashion Friday videos, following up with clients, researching the latest trends...for my mind, it's writing and meditating, for my home, it's cleaning a little something every day so it doesn't pile up...the life you want is attainable, but you have to be willing to do the work for it, and to divorce yourself from the mediocre life you once knew. It's terrifying, and it's hard work, but it must be done.
I love you, guys.
