This, Not That: Fashionable Substitutes For Lazy People

Hey, readers!

One of the biggest concerns my clients have  is on how to cultivate their everyday style.  Since I mostly work with artists, the challenge of working with someone who has an on-stage persona is getting their off stage look to be cohesive.

Some people were born with an innate sense of their individual style, and how they want to present themselves.  I for one, know nothing about what that is like:

Or maybe I do.

But, with cultivating my overall personal style has come years of successes and failures, trial and error, and falling into comfort zones.  But, there is a difference between comfort zones, and dressing because it's comfortable.  In the words of Tim Gunn

We have become a nation of slobs!  It is commonplace to see people out and about in their pajamas, if not something similar.  We have fallen into the comfort trap, and have decided that if it's not swallowing us, or shoes made of rubber, that they are "fussy" or "trying too hard" Knock that crap off.  Here are some substitutes for your uniforms to amp up your look to make you look like you're not about to go to the gym or to bed.

If you love oversized t-shirts...  Get a t-shirt dress!

T-shirt dresses are a wonderful way to get that oversized, unflattering, and baggy shirt out of your system.  T-shirt dresses can be paired with nearly every different type of shoe...a ballet flat, a gladiator sandal, or like I do with chunky sandals.  In the fall and winter, I pair mine with a pair of great boots. Throw on your favorite long necklace, and you get the familiar feeling of your stained, oversized tee and look like you paid your light bill on time!

Grey t-shirt dress from People Like Art March 2015

If you live in flip flops or the dreaded Ugg boots...Put some pep in your step with some beautiful ballet flats or gladiator sandals in Summer, and riding boots when it's cold!

As Tim Gunn mentioned above, flip flops are meant for the showers at the gym, and should be left to that alone.  These rubber shoes were designed to be sanitary, not stylish.  There are so many great options for other flat sandals, and in the fall and winter, riding boots are always an option for those who are worried about a heel. 

Claudia Schiffer manages to slay on a Starbucks run in a causal sweater and riding boots. This look would not have this impact if she were wearing flip flops! 

Victoria Beckham and Reese Witherspoon make errands look effortless chic in ballet flats.  Dressed up with a pair of tights and a solid dress, or a causal trench and skinny jeans, these shoes are a definite if comfort is your main concern.

And for summer, invest in a pair of cork wedges. These dressed up my vintage Stones tee and denim hot pants...because everyone needs to feel good about their trip to Home Depot. 

If you like to wear sweats...trade out for some great denim and a jacket!

Find what sillhouete of jeans look best on your body type.  Skinny jeans aren't necessarily going to be flattering on everybody, and the same goes for high-waisted, flares, and boyfriend jeans.  Personally, I think dark bootcut jeans with a bit of stretch works great for every single body.  Now, denim isn't as rough and tough as it used to be.  Find some with some spandex in, and invest in two great pairs instead of five cheap pairs.  This will also make you feel like there's a little bit of luxe in your closet! 

As far as an alternative to your favorite hoodie?  Try a blazer over a band tee, or a cropped bomber! These are classic, and you will look like it's not laundry day.  Basic black is always a great go-to, but I like to add a pop of color as well.  I just picked up a beautiful vintage crushed velvet purple blazer that I am so excited to bust out this Autumn! 

Or this lightweight salmon colored blazer that came from Trunk in Nashville this year.  I styled it with an airy tank and some turquoise and coral jewelry. This was a great look for Spring and Summer.

Prime example of the clothes making the man. Ben Bradford styled by me. Dark denim bootcut with the most beautiful couture jacket made by Eric Adler. Sweatshirt-0 Trenchcoat-2949473829

Other alternatives that I am a huge fan of that merge style with comfort?  Military jackets are a favorite of mine, a cropped dark denim, or a faux fur vest for the more daring.  Style and comfort don't have to be complete polar opposites!

Obviously, this is the tip of the iceberg in the long list of stylish substitutes to make you look more polished.  Because if I have to see another pair of Ugg boots and a Juicy tracksuit at the airport, I'm going to scream! Remember, readers.  Not only will you feel better about yourself overall, but like Tom Ford said:

So, go and be polite! (And fashionable!) 

Closet Case: What Should And Shouldn't Be In Your Closet

Hello, readers!

Being a stylist means that I get access into the deepest depths of my clients souls...AKA their closets  A true stylist will more or less pull your inner most self out, and then dress you in a way that brings that person out from you in the most flattering way (and a great one is under budget when that happens too!) As someone who has collected clothing for over a decade, I know how easy it is to build up quite the archive of clothing and accessories.  However, I was one of those people that fell into "A closet full and nothing to wear." I've recently remedied that, and want to share with you (in my opinion) what should and should not be in your closet so we can avoid that awful cliche of being perpetually late and chronically under dressed!

Step one. Pull everything out, and try it on.
I know this sucks. I really do. Remember, I just went through this myself! But, I don't think what most people realize is that the reason they never have anything to wear is because nothing fits them! For me, I had a difficulty getting dressed and feeling great about what I was wearing because nothing fit me!

Step two. Make piles!
OK, now that you've gone through the emotional roller coaster of trying every single piece of clothing you own on, pour yourself a drink (I got myself an iced coffee to take the edge off for this one) and let's begin shuffling! Make piles that fall under the categories as follows:

• Keep. These pieces fit you immaculately, and are ready to wear as is right now, or have extreme sentimental value to you.  For instance, I won't ever throw away the very first vintage dress I ever bought, (because it created my obsession and later, my career) but I did donate all of the rest of the unwearable vintage mini polyester dresses (because they aren't flattering, and I'll never wear them again!) 

The dress that started it all.

• Sell. Maybe you have some designer gems hiding in there that you don't wear any longer.  Guess what? They might be considered vintage now! There are several specialty stores that may buy them, or you can even open your own Ebay store! Hello, extra money!
• Donate. These are items that don't fit you any longer, and have no street value, but would make someone else's day. Donate these to your favorite thrift store. And don't leave the bags in the backseat of your car until they drive you crazy (like I did.)
• Mend/Repair/Tailor. This pile was rather large for me. Having lost weight, naturally, my clothes fit differently. I had a pair of high waisted Chloe jeans that I just couldn't part with. In my case, I am teaching myself how to sew, so when I feel ready, I will tackle that hurdle.  Find a Mom and Pop tailor (make sure you read Yelp! reviews first) and make friends.  Everyone should have a good tailor on hand!

Step three is fun. Make your list. And then let's shop! 

There are things in every one's closet that they should own.  When you look at your closet, your clothing should be friends, as opposed to relatives at an awkward family reunion.  Believe it or not, most stylists are in favor of their clients having a uniform of the same silhouette that flatters, but is also slightly varied so you don't look too stuck! This is where I recommend hiring a professional to be an extra eye, and to be your tour guide in the world of fashion.  Here is my basic list of things that every woman needs! 

• Two pairs of dark denim that fit you properly.  I adore Rachel Zoe and Paige jeans in dark denim. Buy dark denim, and buy QUALITY denim! Even if you go to a Nordstrom Rack, or a TJ Maxx. Invest in your jeans.  Keep your cuts classic and not too trendy in this case.  Once you have your two pairs, then you can play with trendier cuts and washes when you have your basics! Which leads me to...

Rachel Zoe in her own denim. This is how I style mine more or less...minus the adorable tiny human!

• Basic tops and tees.  I know it seems like shopping for basic isn't nearly as fun, but this was actually fun for me! After I purged my closet, I purchased designer tops in white, navy, and black (at under $5 a pop! Bonus of being a stylist who knows where to shop!) I have actually come up with more ensembles based on a simple top! I personally love People Like Art, a local company run by a lovely woman named Shannon. She lovingly hand dyes and makes every single garment from luxurious, yet casual fabrics. They can be styled effortlessly from day to night. And her model may look familiar to you too! 
  
• Two little black dresses.  One for day made out of a jersey knit or a cotton, and a more formal.  These will get you through every single events you will ever face.  Dinners, dates, weddings, and funerals are all appropriate LBD occasions.  My favorites are DVF wrap dresses. They are classic and are the perfect transitional dress from office to cocktails. Invest in these. They can be styled a million ways to Sunday, and you will get the mileage out of them. 

How could you not want to wear a creation by a woman like that?

• Black knee high boots.  Get ones with a little heel. They can be worn dressed up or down...with a trench and skinny jeans, or a dress in the fall. Nothing says classic sexy like black knee high boots!
• A black bag and a brown bag.  It doesn't have to be a designer bag.  It just needs to be quality! Don't skip out on quality with these...you will carry your life around in them! This is where vintage comes in handy.  I have many vintage designer bags that I have picked up for under $20. 
• One formal gown you feel beautiful in. Check out your local consignment shops for these.  You never know when you will be given an extra ticket to the symphony, or need a black tie wedding ensemble.  
•  A clutch that is versatile. My favorite is a little gold vintage one that I picked up at a vintage boutique down the street.  It's from the 60's, and is gold...I often pair it with jeans as well for a pop of sparkle.
• Sunnies in black and brown. You wouldn't believe the extra boost to your outfit you'll have when your sunglasses match.

I prefer over sized and gradient, but pick whatever works for your face shape that makes you feel glamorous. 

• Jewelry that is a conversation starter. I have my grandmother's vintage fox cuff bracelet from the 70's that never fails to be a subtle attention grabber.  It doesn't have to be expensive, but it needs to make you feel special every time you put it on! When I need a little oomph to my outfits, I always try to throw on a few vintage pieces to guarantee that no one else has my exact outfit.  It doesn't have to be vintage. Maybe it's a pair of diamond studs, or some colored shoes...whatever makes you feel a little extra special! 

My newest and most favorite clutch, a gold cuff, two vintage onxy rings (one is actually a lipstick holder) and the fox bracelet! It's become one of my signatures!

I highly recommend making a list of what your closet needs, and either keeping it on your phone or on a post-it in your wallet.  That way, when you're out and distracted by all the things you tend to normally gravitate towards, you will have a reminder to stay on your game. I also suggest that if it is possible, for you to hire a stylist or a personal shopper to walk you through this process.  I am a stylist, and even I will bring a long a stylist when I shop sometimes! It's always great to have a trained eye with a taste level and aesthetic similar to yours, or what you would like to aspire to be.  Make inspiration boards on Pinterest, or actual boards with magazines and a cork board! I have one for the upcoming seasons so I will have a look that is consistent and gives me a streamlined vision for the pieces to incorporate into my Fall/Winter looks.  

My board has fabric swatches, notes, magazine clippings, and all sorts on it!

Feel free to contact me at www.ThePaytonProject.com/contact to schedule a closet consultation (I also do Skype meetings!) and personal shopping trips.

Happy shopping, readers! Go out and own it!

And remember to throw a leopard print in the mix while you're at it! Some days just call for it. 

What They Don't Tell You About Losing Weight

Hey, readers.

I've tried to write this blog several times now, and have only been left with drafts in my archives for the last month.  This topic is very personal for me, as I'm sure it is to many of you as well.

I ran into my friend Stacie a few weeks ago.  Stacie is a photographer, videographer, and blogger for the Huffington Post.  She also has lost 150 lbs.  We stumbled into each other at a local hangout, and caught up outside the establishment.  The topic turned to the inevitable...weight loss, and how the world reacts differently to us now that we are smaller than before.  We were the only friend the other had who knew what it was like to be "fat shamed" and "skinny shamed" in such a short time span. That conversation has weighed on my heart ever since (no pun intended) and I finally believe I am ready to fully articulate what it means to me.

My journey began nearly three years ago.  I had moved out on my own and realized that if I kept eating out every meal that I would quickly be broke, and have to move back home.  Horrified at the thought, I looked up "cheap vegetarian meals" and somehow ended up down the rabbit hole of the online vegan community.  This lead to me watching the film "Forks Over Knives" and getting my hands on a copy of "Skinny Bitch".  I haven't looked back since.

At a size 16, and nearly pushing 190 pounds, I began my vegan lifestyle.  I started out puffy, with a large muffin top, terrible skin, cellulite, and a severe case of depression.  Today, I stand at 5'9" weigh around 125, and am a size 4/6. When I stand with my feet together, my thighs don't touch.  My cellulite is gone.  I now have muscle definition.  My depression has become so much better, as well as my overall health...all great things!  However, along with these vast improvements to my life, I had no idea that I had so much more in store for me.


At the beginning of my shift, I was in a relationship.  When I started to lose weight, he became terribly self conscious, and essentially kept me in a cycle that guaranteed no one would have the opportunity to look at me.  It was like being held hostage. Any time we would go out, someone would say "Wow! You look great! Congratulations!" and he would tell me he liked me better the size I was before, and I was more beautiful to him then.  It loosely translated to "I liked you better when you were broken like I am." I broke that off about a year after I started to lose weight.  I learned that misery does indeed love company. 

The stress I was under caused me a nasty case of adrenal fatigue, and I gained back about fifteen pounds. This sent me into a tailspin. How could I have gained back fifteen pounds? My entire identity had been wrapped up in Payton-who-lost-60-pounds-going-vegan. Not Sort-of-fat-but-not-as-fat-before-Payton! However, at this time in my transition, I have never been hit on, or asked out on more dates more.  I swear, men prey on women like this, sometimes.  That, or they sense a sort of desperation, or  someone who needs validation, or maybe they think a chubby girl is a safer bet. Either way, I was approached more at this awkward in between stage than any other time in my life.  Not fat, but chubby enough to feel approachable is what I called myself in this time period.  I went out of my way to impress people then.  I tried to make everyone like me.  I made a lot of errors in judgement with this new sense of "I'm not good enough"

I thought "Oh, I'll go on some weight loss boards, and get connected to a community of women just like me!" When I posted my story, along with my before and after photos, and revealed my struggles with the newfound weight gain, I was shocked that there were just as many bullies in these boards as the rest of the Internet.  Complete strangers would look at my progress photos and tell me that I wasn't even that fat to begin with, and I had no right to talk about how hard my process was when their after pictures look like my before.  Even when I mentioned recovering from eating disorders, and BDD, they said that I was a phony, and not welcome on their boards.  When I tried to turn to the comfort of people in a similar boat as I was, I was shunned for "not being fat enough." I wish I were making this up.  I learned that even in the "body positive/weight loss community" that there are still bullies, and in some cases, there are bullies even greater than the ones you face on the street, or the demons you fight when you look in the mirror. 

Shortly after that, when I started to get down to the size that is considered by American standards as "thin" and could identify myself as a "skinny person" that the people around me started to treat me differently.  When I was a size 8, I had everyone in my family cheering me on.  They would brag to their friends about how much I had lost, and how proud they were.  And then, when I became smaller than they did, that's when I saw the shift. On several occasions, I have had a handful of my family members tell me I looked anorexic.  As someone who has dealt with this in the past, I was so deeply hurt.  Imagine if I told my overweight relatives that they looked Type 2 Diabetic because they were getting fat! You can't tell someone they look like they have a disease based on their body type, and not expect it to hurt. Yet, when I was younger and heavy, they told me I needed to lose weight, and I was unhealthy.  I learned that some people only want you to succeed, just as long as you don't do better than them.

I am incredibly sensitive and introverted, and have social anxiety in situations that involve me spending time with people my own age, or in a crowded bar (and don't get me started on small talk.  It makes me want to crawl in a hole) Before, when I would go out and start to shut down, I was just considered shy, and awkward.  Now, people take it as I am stuck up, and a "skinny bitch" who thinks she's too good.  When in fact, I just want to go home and be with the dog if I can't be with people who I consider to be "safe". I learned that your appearance effects how people perceive your hangups. 

And last, but not least.  I've learned that no one tells you the voices in your head don't go away.  I wish that with every size four pants I pull on over my legs that I didn't feel like the awkward girl in junior high with braces and glasses, who was begging for the boy in the next desk over to notice her.  I learned that you are always going to find something wrong with your body that you are going to want to fix.  I'm just as much that pubescent, awkward, somewhat shy little girl who just wants to be loved as I am the strong, lean, woman that I am today.  The voices don't go away when I step on a set to model.  The voices don't stop when my partner tells me that I am beautiful, and perfect the way I am.  Over time, they get quieter, and I've learned how to shut them up for the most part...but, no...they never truly cease.  I wish someone had told me that one years ago.

Everyone has it within themselves to get healthy, to shed the pounds, to gain the muscle, and to reclaim their lives when they feel like they have lost it.  Carrying around excess weight physically isn't something that has to be permanent...the resources are out there to rid yourself of that burden.  Just be sure that when you do start, that you're prepared for the mental that goes along with it.

I still wouldn't change a single step of this trip for the world. This has been an eye-opening experience, and I am so grateful that this has given me an opportunity to grow (and shrink) as a person.  I am always going to be a work in progress be it spiritually, mentally, or physically, and I think that my biggest lesson out of everything that I need to really focus on, is being happy with myself in the present moment...because that's all we truly have.  That one, I'm working on.

Go forth and conquer, readers.  And make sure you eat some vegetables while you do it.

You Wear It Well: What To Wear To A Concert.

Hey, readers!

I've had a few requests to bring back some fashion related posts.  As a few of you may know, Payton Place started out as a fashion blog in its first life, and since starting my business as a stylist, and being a model, I'm constantly surrounded by clothes and the people who love them.  So, I'll be introducing more style related posts alongside my lifestyle blogs as well.  I will have more time to write these now that I have my own office out of our cute little home!

Last night, my boyfriend, Nathan took me to go see the Stones.  The night was truly a magical experience (dare I say it? Spiritual.) and I had a marvelous time. However, between the CMA week I worked (styling photo shoots, wardrobe assisting for live shows, and a never ending train of quick changes) I couldn't help but wonder where the real style was! We were in an arena full of people waiting to see one of the, if not the greatest living touring rock band of all time, and I found myself surrounded by fanny packs, sneakers, and sweatpants.

Although it was an inferno inside the stadium, I did see a few people who managed to get it right as far as appropriate attire goes. Here are a few tips to get you through the rest of the summer concerts you'll attend that will make you feel like you're with the band!

Consider your environment, the venue/the venue's rules.

Last night, the arena did not allow women to carry in large purses.  This is a new safety measure at numerous events due to contraband being snuck in over the last few years at a few events.  However, there are many alternatives to remedy this situation.  Invest in a high quality, cross-body bag that you can wear for long periods of time without damaging your back.  I picked up one of the Hung On U bags last night at the merch stand.  They are designed by none other than Mrs. Keith Richards (Patti Hansen, the supermodel!) to be easy to throw on, carry everything you need (wallet, tickets, sunnies, lipgloss, and sunscreen) Patti designed these bags during her Studio 54 days to make going from set to a night out on the town effortless, and chic. I highly recommend investing in a great bag like this for all of your concert needs.

Y'all, last night was hot.  Nashville is notorious for our sticky summers.  I kept this in mind when picking out my ensemble for last night.  I picked up this stunning vintage mini tent dress from Pura Vida Vintage (www.puravidavintage.com) and paired it with the cork wedges I wore for our Tennessean shoot with the YB Plain Girls. Nathan wore a Dylan/Analog button down, Lucky Brand jeans, and a vintage conch belt, paired with vintage cowboy boots. 

The tent mini was a stylish, yet practical way to beat the heat. Because it was short, and loose, it gave what little breeze there was a chance to get to me.  Also, bonus with vintage is you can usually just rinse it out in the sink and hang-dry it! The lace wedges were made of cork, which provided me with a comfortable and supportive foundation to walk on. The floor seats had a temporary rubber floor laid down, and I knew it was going to be hard walking in my normal concert heels which look a little something like this: 

If you are going to do a heel or a wedge, make sure that there is lots of support under the balls of your feet. Platforms under those piggies are the best way to guarantee your dogs won't be barking all night long.  If you don't have Barbie feet like I do, and can manage to walk in flats, a nice pair of statement sandals will dress up any look you have instantly. Try a bold python print with a basic tee and jeans instead of your tennis shoes or flip flops. It'll elevate your look to the next level. I love a pair of boyfriend jeans with a black tee, a printed sandal, and a long necklace. Another option is always a fantastic pair of motorcycle boots like Patti is wearing in the photo above.

Rachel Zoe has gorgeous flat sandals that have a slight 70's vibe going on. Bonus! They're comfy! 

Think outside the shorts and t-shirt combo!

Sweat pants are for sweating. Running shoes are for running. That's it.  You've/someone who wants you to share this experience has paid a bit of money for you to be able to attend this show.  Dress like you care, and not like you're waiting for your next Pilates class. Gym clothes have no place in rock n roll. I saw a LOT of ill fitting lycra shorts and boxy t-shirts last night, guys. You can dress up your staples with a lightweight kimono. My favorites come from a local store in Nashville called Trunk. Here I am modeling one on their Instagram that retails for $32! Add some texture with a geode necklace, and you are ready to rock. (Get it? Geode? Rock? Anybody?) Another alternative is you can always go vintage! I love a good pair of high waisted shorts (make sure they fit appropriately, ladies! Else this could get really unflattering really fast!) and a vintage tee. It's classic, effortless, and always stylish. 

Carly Simon's got the right idea. 

A lot of women are afraid of dresses.  They seem like too much work or too fussy.  When in reality? Dresses are the EASIEST THING EVER. You don't even have to wear pants! That's the best part! What better way to catch a breeze than to not wear pants? I like flowy, lightweight, and bold mini dresses for summer evening events because they offer a retro flair (unless you're wearing vintage, of course!) and they can be dressed up or down. I really like People Like Art and their t-shirt dresses. They are locally made out of sustainable fabrics, and are basically like wearing nothing. Trunk also has insanely comfortable dresses that are breathable. My favorite one also retails for $32 and has a cape attached! Throw on a bold statement necklace and strap some sandals on with them! You'll be cooler in temperature and look like a million bucks. 

Behind the scenes of the last People Like Art 2015 Lookbook. I want to live in this dress!

                                      

This one is a vintage handkerchief dress that I stole from my mother's closet! It was perfect for Abbey Road on the River in Louisville over Memorial Day weekend. 

 Don't wear the band you are seeing's t-shirt to their own concert.

Come on, guys. Have a little more originality than that. Honestly, that's all I have to say about that. 

SPF, primer, earplugs, and hairspray that holds!

Ladies, tanning is so passe. We all know it gives you skin cancer and wrinkles, and no one wants to look like a couch in a crop top. Be sure to wear an SPF of at least 15 (and make sure it's natural so none of those icky chemicals get in your body) and if you are like me, and love wearing makeup, be sure to set it with a primer. I use natural coco butter as a BB cream primer, and Bobbi Brown primer for my eyelids. Between that and my Dior Iconic mascara, my makeup stayed perfect all night. If you are a bare faced beauty, own it. But if you like a little glam, make sure it'll stay put. Even through your fan girl tears. 

Also, ear plugs are a must to protect your precious ear drums from the shrieks and squeals! And a good hairspray will stand the test of your hair pulling. 

Don't be scared to stand out a little this season. After all, half of rock n roll is looking cool. We have a few shows coming up this summer that I am really looking forward to seeing. Brian Wilson, Loretta Lynn, The Monkees to name a few...Looks like I'll have to shop some more.  Happy concert going, readers! May your summer soundtrack be perfect, may your sunburns always be even,

And may your shorts and t-shirt combo always be accessorized to perfection. 

Don't forget your sunscreen! 

Ch-ch-changes

Change. Ahh. Something that is inevitable to every single creature on earth. The caterpillars must turn into butterflies. The leaves must change colors. You know, just like The Byrds say...

Perhaps it was due to my childhood that change is such a hard pill to swallow. I haven't really felt stable ever. I wonder if stability is a myth perpetuated by the media...like perfect skin and jeans that don't fade when you wash them.

It seems like the last few years of my life have been nothing but changes-some drastic, and some not. I've moved five times in the last four years, and before that, it was an average of once a year if not more. I wasn't raised in a situation where I was really shown what a safe and healthy relationship was for the first sixteen years of my life...probably the years that matter the most. I've lost two friends that were more like family to me, and am about to lose my favorite aunt to the same disease in less than a year. I am at a crossroads in my careers. I feel like change has brought me rocky ground to stand on, and I'm wearing six inch heels on that shaky bit of land.

And I'm wearing those six inch heels while standing on my head...

When chaos and change go on all around me, I shut down. It's been a coping mechanism since before I knew what a coping mechanism was. I don't realize I'm doing it until someone snaps me out of it. I was always a quiet child for the most part...I didn't say a word until I was four...so it doesn't really raise any eyebrows for people who've known me long.

Change effects my quest for perfection. Maybe it's because I'm a virgo, or maybe it's because I've lived in disorder my entire life, that my heart cries out for order, but I am on a never ending quest for perfection. I of course know that this will never happen, and it's unobtainable, but there's a familiar comfort in trying to reach for it. Much like nail biting, nervous eating, and holding everything in until it's too late, and I'm having a panic attack over tacos (that was one time!) instead of what's really bothering me, there's a familiar comfort in anxiety and stress. It's the only way I know how to live. It's the only way I have been taught to live. I have been trained to believe that everyone will leave, nothing will ever stay the same, and trying to build something permanent will be harder than trying to catch smoke with your bare hands.

But, yesterday morning I had a realization. Not all change is bad change.

I came in from a Pilates class and sat at our kitchen table while I drank my coffee and looked around. I tried to mindfully enjoy my breakfast, giving my body gratitude and love for working so well. I practiced gratitude for our beautiful little kitchen, which was starting to shape up to look like one I had dreamed about when I was younger, and had even written about in my journal. My little guy pawed at me, begging me for part of my beet muffin. The sounds of The Who filled our home that we had been struggling to put together for the last few days. My leggings were falling down my hips. As I hiked them up to go and flip the record, I had a realization. All of these great things were also brought on my change. Things that I felt so blessed and so grateful to have were all products of change! 

Our little kitchen

If I hadn't changed my lifestyle, I would still be unhealthy and unhappy with the way I was looking, and feeling crappy. Old Payton wouldn't dream of going to Pilates or eating beets! She wouldn't dream of being in single digit clothing, or walking on a runway. Change did that!

Before and after

Runway show spring 2015

If I hadn't changed my mind about being single and living in a terrible environment, I wouldn't have experienced the most challenging, and most rewarding year of my life with my boyfriend, Nathan. I have grown so much as a person because of our shared experiences. I wouldn't have this beautiful life we are building together in our cute little home if I had been afraid of change.

On our one year anniversary

Floor seats for the Who!

I wouldn't have Arrow if I had wanted to stay comfortable and not bothered. And he's the light of my life! 

If I hadn't changed and realized my worth, I would still be working at a terrible 9-5 instead of working on building my own business doing things that I love and helping people.

Dressing Crystal Gayle and Charley Pride

So, yeah, maybe change does suck sometimes. But if there's one thing I am working on, it's changing the way I look at the world. Just like coal turning into a diamond, or scraps of metal transforming into a Rolls Royce, or a really great vintage dress that gets reworked into a new outfit, change can be good. Change can make things better. 

Trying to change my mind about change? That's one thing I can definitely try to...

Well, you know. 

Build Your Own Chocolate Factory.

"You know what happened to the man who got everything he ever wanted...he lived happily ever after." -Willy Wonka

So you're probably wondering why I am quoting a fictional character at the beginning of this blog, right? 

As many of you who know, I am seldom out and about without my faithful journal close by. I have faithfully kept a record of my thoughts for the past sixteen years. I think it's the cheapest form of self realization one can possibly find. And I also think it helps keep you in check. Going back and reading your stream of consciousness as a third party makes you more aware of your progress and where to move next. 

I also believe that you create your own reality. I don't buy into excuses anyone may make. I just don't. I think that you can have everything you've ever dreamed and then some...your own chocolate factory. And the only one standing in the way is yourself.

"But, Payton. I grew up poor. My genetics are bad. My dad didn't love me enough. My boyfriend won't let me. I didn't go to college. I can't." And I'm here to tell you that you absolutely can. The job you want? You can have it. The body you desire? Within reach. The partner, the car, the home...you can have it. And the only one standing in between you and what you so crave is yourself.

The only reason I can tell you this with such confidence is that I have been there. I have had every excuse under the sun. I couldn't get the body I wanted because I was stressed, I didn't have enough money to eat properly, I was tired. I couldn't have the job I wanted because I was fat. I couldn't have the lifestyle I wanted because I couldn't get the job I wanted because I couldn't have the body I desired. I had terrible relationships because my stepmom beat me and I didn't trust men. I worked two jobs at one time that I both hated, I had a hormonal imbalance, blah blah blah, and I cried myself to sleep at night every single night without fail because I was so distraught at the thought of never accomplishing my dreams, but I wasn't willing to do anything to move in the direction of accomplishing them, because in my mind I was "stuck"

That Payton wouldn't pose for anyone in hot pants that were a size 6. She was too afraid of success, confidence, and spandex. 

Preview and photo by Nathan Cox.

About five years ago, I was introduced to the teachings of the Law of Attraction and the laws of the universe. When people scoffed at me, I reminded them that gravity was a law of the universe as well, and no one seemed to mind that. I created vision boards, and started to journal differently. When I was nineteen, I wrote out a day in what my dream life would be. I wrote about what my day consisted of in such detail that I even included smells and tastes. I wrote about my dream body, my partner, my home, my dog...I closed the last page of my journal and put it away.

The dog I so desperately wanted, my best friend, Arrow. 

Sitting in his chair at my job that seems to have been tailored just for me. I can only describe him entering into my life as predestined fate. My destiny dog.

I continued to journal, but if you read them in chronological order, about three years ago I start to slip. My language becomes more harsh, more criticism happens, I start to feel trapped, desperate, and afraid. The people I started to attract into my life had ulterior motives, and there's a giant plot twist in my narrative. I became depressed, I gained weight I had worked so hard to lose back, I got robbed on more than one occasion in nearly every sense of the word, I lost friends...It wasn't until I went back and read those passages that I realized it was time to get back on track. I took control of my life and started back on the path of creating the life I wanted. And when I did, all the wrong people and circumstances fell by the way side, I was given the urge to start yoga classes which has shaped my body into one I am proud of, a freak happening brought me my partner that treats me like a queen, a devestating loss brought me my dog, an internal rustling helped me find my jobs, I started meeting all the right people and being in the right places at the right times. Because I decided to. 

I woke up today in a house in the neighborhood I had picked out for myself when I was eighteen. The dog snoozing blissfully at my feet was just like the photo of one I had pinned up on a bulletin board in my cheap rented room five years ago. The person next to me is above and beyond what I could have written him to be like in his ways of treating me like a queen and being supportive and loving. I got to a job that I am happy to be at, while looking at a schedule full of stuff that I said I would always have (styling, modeling, acting, concerts) My muscles are blissfully aching from a yoga class surrounded by something else I wanted--a community of strong and beautiful women to support each other. And as I walked down the street today on a little break from work, my heels clacking on the brick sidewalk, I couldn't help but think of an entry from March of 2010.

Behind the scenes of yesterday's photo shoot complete with glam squad. Two shoots booked in two days. Something I used to only dream of.

Left: size 14/16. Right: size 6

Taking care of rock royalty's wardrobe. In heels. 

March 5, 2010:

...one day I will be able to wear whatever the hell I want to to work. I'll wear my highest heels if I feel like it. And I'll have a little fluffy white dog that's part shihtzu like Hannah (my dog at the time)  is. And I'll walk my cute little dog down the streets of East Nashville and say hello to all of my artist neighbors. I'll have stacks of checks to take to the bank to do with all of my jobs--styling and modeling and writing. And I'll have a cute little house in Inglewood that I'll share with my cute boyfriend with curly hair who loves records as much as I do, treats me like a queen, and is an artistic genius. I also will have learned how to cook then and instead of a fourteen, I'll be a size six. I will travel so much that I'll be able to see two coasts in months of each other. I will feel fulfilled and happy, and I'll know that I created this for myself. 

Size 6 jeans. Long gone are the double digits. 

The cute boyfriend who is a brilliant photographer. And check out that curly hair!

I go on and on about my plans for my life by the time I turn this age and that age, and so on and so forth. (I do believe a ring that looks like Elizabeth Taylor's is mentioned along with a walk in closet are mentioned) and while I don't have these things now, I know they are on its way. There are so many things I have had to stop saying to myself to get here. I had to move out of my own way. I had to listen to my gut. But today, I could wake up and say to myself that I was on the right track. 

And if I can get there? You can too.

March 25, 2015:

Dear eighteen year old Payton: Mission Accomplished. You got this. 

Keep the faith, readers. You've got this too. The life you want is within your reach if you will just step out of your own way. Now go build your own damn chocolate factory. 

And do it in something fabulous. Top from People Like Art.