I have been struggling with whether or not to post this blog for quite some time. The wake of the election, and people's reactions to it have stirred up a lot of emotions. The only thing I can speak of is my personal experiences with this phenomenon. So, here it goes.
I didn't consider myself a feminist until this election. I realize that this statement will raise quite a few eyebrows, considering the main platform my brand is built on is empowering women.
I didn't realize how much time I spent hating women until this election. I say that knowing that I was definitely wrong in my ways, and having done everything in my power to change. I was definitely not one with the feminine energy as I so preached. I was terribly judgmental, and downright rude to other women.
From a very early age, I was taught that other women were a threat. Because this was my narrative, I couldn't help but attract that sort of energy into my life. Society enforces that anyone who is prettier, skinnier, or more successful than you must be a "bitch" and we hate her. I was raised to believe in a man supporting you 100 percent, and that you should always put his business before yours.
This story was so prevalent in my every day life that it might as well have consumed me. Guy friends of mine with jealous and possessive girlfriends had "psycho girlfriends." Not thinking, "Duh, Payton. She's got every right to be insane. He cheats on her left and right! Of course she hates you! She thinks you're banging him!"I sure as hell turned into that girl when I got cheated on!
I was in a serious relationship with someone who very proudly considered himself a feminist---he was incredibly vocal about this. His version of feminism translated into embarrassing me in public by drunkenly yelling about sex in crowded bars, "because we should be cool about it!" Not standing up for me when I had been wronged, "because you're a strong woman. You can handle it."Not holding the door open for me after we had become exclusive, and it ultimately ended up in turning into him revealing that he had a terrible porn problem, and had been cheating on me nearly the entire length of our relationship with an old girlfriend...who knew about me...and was married. No wonder I thought women were awful. And what kind of feminist subscribes to porn that is filled with violence and name calling? Why would I want to be a part of either of those groups? I then realized that lumping all feminists into the "Angry, bitter, lonely, ugly" feminist group is like thinking all Christians are like those crazy Westboro Baptist folks. There are bad eggs in every community.
And then this election happened. I witnessed us swearing in someone that has blatantly assaulted women. I finally came to grips with the fact that I was repressing my own abuse of several years, and dealt with it. But, I noticed something starting to shift in me. Maybe it was dealing with my own shit, and maybe it helped that I was finally with someone who is completely supportive, and such a damn gentleman that it hurts, but I started to pay attention to all of the good that women were doing in this world.
The marches, the woman trying to get families at her kids' school a Christmas, a friend of mine who spent all of her winter trying to help the homeless in camps, the one who owned a female-centric brand that was donating money to all sorts of good causes...all women. I started to embrace the magic that women possess-the empathy we are capable of, and not only our ability to multi task, but the strength to deal with it all!
I started reaching out to other women who ran their own businesses....I started a group for all of us to meet up and to support each other! This introvert hosts groups now!!! It finally clicked in my head! When women support other women--really, truly support them, magic happens. My books started filling up with high paying gigs , I finally had a network of female friends like I had craved for so long!
I learned that there is absolutely no wrong way to be a woman. I can dress up, tackle my to do list, bring home some metaphorical vegan bacon, and then fry it up and serve it for my handsome husband! I can be feminine, and powerful, and strong, and soft...all at once. And if another woman wants to live their life in a different manner, and isn't hurting anyone, as a feminist, it's my job to tip my hat and to move on with my life. I mustn't judge! (Side note, a wonderful side effect of accepting this way of my life, and having become so busy is that I don't really have time to think about what other people are doing with their lives! I'm too in to supporting my own tribe, and building my dream life!)
So, what I'm saying, guys and girls. Is that feminism isn't an awful, dirty word like we are trained to believe. Support your neighborhood girl bosses, and lift each other up. We don't all have to live in this pink, glittery world full of unicorns, and we don't all have to be best friends, but we can all agree on the fact that being a woman right now isn't the easiest path to navigate. Let's be more understanding, and remember at the end of the day, everyone just wants to love, and be loved.
Signed,
Payton Dale, Feminist.
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