Imposter Syndrome

Hello, readers!

I do apologize for the gaps in between my blogs lately.  If you follow me on my social media platforms, you know that it's been a productive few months.  I have recently signed on as the Creative  Director of Nashville Fashion TV, and that along with the work I am doing on my own has kept me terribly tied up.  I barely have time to write an Instagram caption, let alone an entire blog!

Interviewing Amanda Valentine for Nashville TV

I've had this subject on my mind a lot lately.  As someone who considers herself a creative, as well as being born from a creative, and currently living with one too, I see this as an epidemic.  I'm taking about "Imposter Syndrome"

Imposter Sundrome: a term coined in 1978 by clinical psychologists Dr. Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes referring to high-achieving individuals marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a "fraud"

Behind the scenes of a product shot and commercial. 

I know that I've shared a lot of things with you on this blog that most people wouldn't dream of mentioning to their closest friends, let alone expose their vulnerabilities to the entire internet.  However, when I started blogging, I told you all that I would be honest with all of you.  And, the way I look at it, if I have difficulties with this, then others will too.

This past year has been the most rewarding career wise for me.  I have dressed famous people, rebranded musicians entirely, been published in print, been in music videos, had countless photo shoots, relaunched my website, and will be giving a speech at a Fashion Week kickoff party about my career as a celebrity stylist.  I was on my way to interview Amanda Valentine, the fashion designer for Nashville Fashion TV when I was tagged in the poster on Facebook:

It was then that it hit me.  I am going to be giving a speech in front of other people on how to become a celebrity stylist.  I was going to tell people how they could become like me.  Who on earth would want to listen to that?  No one wants to listen to me go on and on about how I have essentially spent seven years taping people's boobs down, and steaming out disgruntled rockstar's wrinkles!  What if they realize that I'm not really all that great?  What if they find out that I'm not glamorous, and I'm no one to aspire to be like?  I'm not a stylist! I'm a fake! Now, keep in mind, I said this as I had a trunk full of clothes I needed to return from a photo shoot I just styled, a text conversation going on with a client of mine, and I was about to walk in to interview a very well known fashion designer for a program...about fashion.  I had managed to go into that deep dark hole and take away my own accomplishments from myself. 

Logically speaking, I know that my hard work is finally beginning to pay off.  I know that there is a long road ahead of me that will involve burns from steamers, and people who used to be famous being mad at me over pleating in their pants.  But my subconscious likes to go into this deep dark pit that is filled with everyone who's ever told me that I wasn't enough.  It's my natural instinct to fall down that hole.  Oh,you've just booked an incredibly high profile job that will look insanely great on your resume?  What if they figure out that you're not as great as everyone says you are?  What if they find out that you have no idea what you're doing?  This is where my brain goes.

It's then that I have to sit down, breathe, and usually write down everything that I am feeling in the moment.  I'll make it out in list form, and reply to my own concerns.

Things that I am worried about:

They won't be happy with my work.

You'll never know until you actually do the work! Besides, every other client has always been happy!

I'm not accomplished enough.  I should be further ahead by now.

You're nearly 25, and have already done more than people in your industry who are decades older than you. Shut up. 

What if they don't take me seriously?

Do you take yourself seriously? OK, then. Now, go in there and show them how serious to take you.

It may sound a bit strange, readers, but this is the only thing that has really helped me get over this "Imposter Syndrome" circle of frustration.  

Because, the truth of the matter is, I am quite successful for someone my age.  I have worked at the same career goal for nearly seven years.  I have been published several times, worked for mostly celebrities, and have started building the foundation on which my professional life will more than likely lie on for the rest of my life.  Somedays, I just need my conscious and my subconscious to be on the same page!

What do you think, readers?  Do you ever have self-doubt that turns into Imposter Syndrome?  Comment below how you fight it off! 

I Have Body Dysmorphia And Work In The Fashion Industry

Hey, readers.

Before we go any further, you may be a little confused with my title.  So, let's make sure we are all on the same page.

bod·y dys·mor·phic dis·or·der

noun

noun: body dysmorphic disorder; noun: BDD; plural noun: BDDs

1. a psychological disorder in which a person becomes obsessed with imaginary defects in their appearance.Sometimes believing they are mutated, much heavier or smaller than appear in real life.  

So, now that we all know what I'm talking about, let's move on.  

I wasn't originally going to write this blog.  A series of events happened to me about a month ago that really disturbed me.  I thought that it was the right thing to do. I was talked out of it.  But, I can't be quiet about it any longer.


So, backstory.  As some of you know, I am a stylist for a living.  My career has been spent dressing people to look their best...usually very beautiful and famous people at that.  One of my other jobs is as a model on runways and in photos.  So, all of my income comes from either being paid to be photographed, or making sure others look good in their photos and performances.  So, if I'm essentially paid for my looks, why do I feel this way?  
I was heavy most of my childhood and early adulthood.  I wasn't born big, but due to lack of appropriate nutrition and depression, I got that bloated belly pretty early in life.  I remember not wanting any photos taken of me when I was nine on the family trip to Disney World...because my pants were too tight and I had a muffin top.  I couldn't enjoy my trip because of it.  I didn't want to go on rides that would jiggle me around, because someone would notice my jiggly gut, and make fun of me.  This is what BDD sounds like...I can't experience joy because (insert body part here)

This thinking and behavior followed me into middle and high school.  I was too fat to be pretty, and pretty girls are the only ones worth being.  I hyper focused on several points.  I hated my uneven skin, my nose was too big, and my lack of torso made weight gain in my mid section the most uncomfortable burden I carried physically and mentally.  Around this time, MySpace was all the rage.  If you wanted to speak to your friends from school, you had to have one.  And if you had one, you had to have photos of yourself.  I remember the very first time I ever had my photo taken not against my will.  I was fourteen.  I did my hair and makeup to the best of my ability.  I put on my favorite t-shirt.  I set the camera's self timer to ten seconds, and walked back across the room.  I winced when it went off, as if in pain, and went to see the mutant that would most certainly be staring back at me in the view finder.  Imagine my shock when the girl I saw in the photo wasn't a mutant at all.  Sure, she was a bit chubby, but the lighting had evened out my skin, and my nose didn't look so big after all! Seeing myself in a view finder was the first time that I could actually accept who I was and what I looked like.  After that, I began to stage elaborate (for a fourteen year old) photo shoots with outfits I made and had put together.  I learned how to hide the things I didn't want to show, and accentuate what photographed well. I figured out what fabrics were best for on and off camera, and how to copy the poses I saw in magazines.  At school, I was the chubby, pimply girl with big hair who liked old music.  At home, I had a world that I created in which I was glam squad, stylist, model, and photographer all in one.  When I was in my zone, I could accept.  

When out in the "real world", my BDD could get the most of me.  If someone didn't like me, it was because I wasn't pretty enough.  If I was teased, it was because I wasn't good enough.  If I wasn't accepted, it was my fault. It fed my social anxiety.  Don't go out into the world.  There are people out there who are waiting to tell you that you're not good enough.  

Fast forward to a few years later.  I was a size 14-16, but still practicing my styling skills, makeup artistry, and posing.  I could create the girl in the photos.  I liked her.  Other people liked her too.  And one day, I was asked to model...for money.  Imagine my shock.  I leaped at the opportunity.  My first experience on set was me feeling like an inconvenience because I was the biggest girl on set.  I powered through and did my job...and they kept calling me. To this day, the best way to explain to people how I feel is "I feel like the less attractive twin of the girl in the photos." 

I kept on modeling as a plus size model for a few years. I never felt truly confident in myself during this time period.  The other photographers didn't capture me in a way that I thought was flattering, and one even made me do a pin up photo shoot in which I'm eating a piece of pizza over and over again...as to point out something I didn't already know.  I was a fat model. I was depressed, and terribly unhealthy.  I was carrying around an extra 50 pounds that was weighing me down in more ways than one.  Anything wrong with me, I would always blame on my size.  If I didn't get a job, it was because I was fat.  If I got rejected, it's because I wasn't good enough.  It was really easy to blanket all of my problems with the simple excuse "It's just because I'm fat."

And then, one day, something clicked.  I ended up watching hours upon hours of documentaries about diet and nutrition.  I decided to make the change to a vegan lifestyle.  The weight began to fall off of me.  Other people started to notice.  My skin cleared up, my hair and nails grew like crazy.  My waist shrank to half its former size.  Imagine my shock when I realized that it didn't solve all of my problems!  It made them worse!  I thought being thin meant I would book more work. It didn't. I thought skinny meant that I would be handed everything on a silver platter like my straight sized colleagues.  Nothing happened.  I thought that a skinny body would make the voices in my head stop telling me that I was disgusting.  It didn't. They wouldn't stop unless I made them stop.


Over time, with counseling, healers, holistic doctors, and supportive friends, those voices have softened to a whisper when at one period of time, they were screams so loud, I could hear nothing else.  But, as mentioned before, the BDD fuels social anxiety.  My weight loss in turn made my clothes that used to make me feel safe fall off of me.  For most, this is a great problem.  And it is.  But it also makes getting dressed nearly impossible.  I have tried to remedy this situation by stocking a fairly well rounded wardrobe for myself, but at one point, getting dressed to go out at any given point could result in me, crying on the floor, surrounded by jeans that fell off of me.  "I just want clothes that fit!" I used to yell.  My poor boyfriend has picked me up off the floor, grabbed me by the shoulders, and given me his now infamous pep talk of "You are always the best dressed person in the room. Don't sweat this"  too many times to count. 

I've learned to mostly manage my end of things.  As mentioned before, I tried to stock a wardrobe full of things that are easy to throw it together to dial in.  I try to plan these things out in advance if I am walking into a situation that I feel "unsafe" in...but there were several events that happened in the span of a week that really made me angry...that made me want to write this long winded blog in the first place.

The first was running into an acquaintance in a public place.  She commented on how thin I was.  (If only she had known I was in the process of having a meltdown before I left the house.) And the truth of the matter is? I am thin.  I have worked very hard to become healthy, and to maintain.  I also know that logically, this person has put on a significant amount of weight since I had met her, and is feeling insecure and jealous.  All logic goes out the window when this person starts poking me in the ribs over and over again, and tells me to eat a cheeseburger.  This is when I mentally shift into fat kid mode, and shut down.  If you wouldn't poke a fat person and comment on their size, why is it okay to do it to me?

Later that night, I ran into another person my partner and I are friendly with.  She too poked me in the ribs (ouch!) and called me a "skinny bitch" over and over again.  Also, my brain understands why this is happening.  Insecurity does strange things to people.  But once my boundaries are violated, and any comment is made on my physical appearance in a negative way? I revert.  "There must be something wrong with me if my body makes her uncomfortable."

And last, but certainly not least.  Later that week, I tackled a lot of my social anxiety and not only went out with my partner and his best friend to a bar (one of my biggest triggers is being around people who are obnoxiously drunk) but to meet friends of his who I've never met.  I feel like me being socially awkward at first meeting already is a strike against me...but then the strangest thing happened.  My boyfriend and his friend introduced me to a female friend of theirs.  She was standoffish and cold to everyone in the group, refusing to look me in the eye.  When I was finally introduced, she refused to shake my hand and just said "Uh, huh. Of course you look perfect.  You look like a freaking Barbie. I hate you."  If only she had known how hard it was just to get me out of the house.  I was already feeling like I wasn't up to par as far as my appearance was, and I shed a few tears over it in the bathroom.  Why was this stranger spewing such hatred out at me?  I thought perhaps she was joking, but she kept harping on it.  That familiar sinking feeling in my gut started to happen, and the elephant that I carry with me on my chest in such situations made himself so comfortable sitting on my heart.  I choked back tears.  What could I have possibly done to make this woman lash out at me? And how would she feel if I had said "Well, you're fat and your shoes make me feel sad. I hate you?" Why is it okay to talk to people this way based on their appearance alone? 

I wish that I could go back in time and give my old self a heads up.  Hey, keep up the hard work.  People pay you to do all of those things now.  But, being thin won't solve your problems.  It's going to pile on a whole new load of them!  Am I glad I am healthy? Certainly.  I'm healthier than ever, and I have noticed great progress in how I think about myself, and how I feel about myself.  I'm not to a point where I can necessarily control how I feel when other people behave in such a way yet.  That, I am working on.  But, maybe we should all keep in mind before we lash out at someone over insecurity, or jealousy, that you don't know what the person you're attacking is dealing with.  
She probably spent twenty minutes crying over jeans that didn't fit, or something much worse.

Being shot by Jerry Gaza. A truly unique moment in time.  Not only was this a full circle moment for Jerry and I, but this was the first photo shoot I've done without a meltdown. At all. Shot by my patient partner in crime, Nathan. 

These Boots Are Made For Walking (And Running, and Jumping, and Standing Still)--Llynda Moore Boots

Hi, readers!

A while ago, I was introduced to a new designer, Llynda Moore.  (For those of my underground music fan readers, you may have heard of her brother, R. Stevie Moore.) Llynda is a former Miss Tennessee, and has gone on to Las Vegas to work as a singer. Realizing that she needed a boot that was comfortable, as well as versatile, and fit properly, she invented her patented design.

Llynda reached out to me to ask if I would model her boots, and give her an honest opinion about them. As someone who wears a good four-six inch heel nearly every day of my life, I have grown accustomed to the standard heel problems that most women face.  If your platform isn't built solidly enough, you'll wobble.  If your stiletto is poorly crafted, it will almost "grip" the concrete, every time you go to take a step.  And with boots, the number one complaint from most women is that it is practically impossible to find a boot that not only fits their calves, but their foot as well.  As a stylist, I am always trying to talk my clients into wearing even just a slight heel for photo shoots and performances.  The right shoe can take up to ten pounds off your figure if styled correctly.  And as for live photos, heels make you appear to be slinky and larger than life as opposed to duck footed, and a bit frumpy.  But, my girls always complain, and even in the most comfortable of all heels, they will kick them off towards the end of their shows.  So, I knew if Llynda were telling me the truth, then I would have a product in my back pocket that would revolutionize my clients' lives forever.

Llynda Moore boots come in two parts: the ankle boot, and the boot top.  The ankle boot is your standard shoe size, and the boot top comes in many different sizes to fit your calf circumference.  This not only guarantees a perfect fit every single time, but gives you the options of 30 different looks in one pair of boots. Too good to be true, right?  And what about my stance on cruelty free fashion choices? They're vegan.  Every single boot top is reversible, so your options automatically double.  The heels come in three sizes: a low heel, a tapered heel, and a stiletto.  I asked for the stiletto, and as for the boot tops, I asked for the black sequin, which reverses into a classic black "leather" and the leopard ones (because leopard is my favorite neutral) that does as well.

Skeptical doesn't even begin to describe my feelings prior to receiving my boots.  I did my research like a good fashion nerd, and was a bit thrown off by the advertising.  As someone used to either glossy magazine ads, or the wonderful talent that Nashville designers have in their Instagram and fantastic social media campaigns, the website definitely made me question the legitimacy of the boots I was to be receiving.  Upon further digging, I found out that the majority of her boots were sold through Independent Representatives.  Thoughts of bad Tupperware parties, and invites to join whatever the latest miracle weight loss drug groups were creeped up.  Independent Representatives screamed of old ladies hawking Mary Kay out of their homes, not a young and hip audience that wear  cool boots on stage!  I'll admit, I was already sort of ready to write them off as yet another item of clothing that a designer had given me that would live in the bottom of my closet, collecting dust...until I opened them. 

As I pulled the ankle boot out of the box, I was flabbergasted at how much these shoes felt like real leather.  The term "vegan leather" is usually reserved for fabrics made of cheap plastic and lost dreams.  They even smelled like real leather! As I stuck my hand into the ankle boot part to remove the packing materials, I was met with a foam insole at least an inch thick.  I later learned that it was removable and washable...I suddenly thought back to all the nights I had spent dousing performance shoes with vodka to remove the odors caused by sweaty feet.  How wonderful would it be to remove the smelly part, and replace it with a new one! So, I slipped my foot in and zipped up.  I am normally a 9.5 US shoe, and these were a 10. They fit nearly perfectly. And then I stood.  As I did a lap around the kitchen, I was gobsmacked.  How on earth is a 6 inch stiletto heel the most comfortable shoe I have ever worn in my life?  Surely it couldn't be!  I placed them back in the box, as I knew I was going out that night.  They were going to get a test drive.

The boyfriend and I went out to hear our friends play a rock show that night.  I knew it would be the perfect opportunity to see if these boots could hold up over walking several blocks from the parking lot, to standing on concrete for an extended period of time.  I wore the black sequin boot tops for a bit of sparkle, and paired them with black tights, tuxedo shorts, and a white button down.  The trek from the car to the venue was easy as can be...no weird gripping on concrete like a normal stiletto would. Within seconds upon entering, I was stopped twice.  "Oh, my God! Those boots are amazing!" and "Sick boots, babe!" When I told them that they were a new boot and were not only comfortable, but reversible, I could see buzzed minds blown.  I demonstrated the magnetic clasp that held the boot to the boot top to several of my friends, and they were all intrigued.  Most of my friends being musicians on a budget, any way to find a solution to make the most out of your footwear is always appealing! We stood for about an hour and a half, and no sign of foot, back, or knee pain crept in like it normally would have by that point.  And then, the ultimate test!  I strutted off to the bathroom to see a man about a horse, and was stopped by a very very drunk girl.  It's sort of girls' bathroom code that drunk girls always tell the truth.  As this gal leaned over the sink to splash water on her face, she straightened her hair as she caught my eye in the mirror.  She gave me the once-over, and stopped when she got to my boots.  "Those boots are sick, man.  Like, those are rockstar boots." Her slightly more sober friend popped out of the stall to check out my fancy footwear, and agreed.  "You look so put together and cool." I managed to make it the rest of the night in the shoes. I experienced no pain, and received numerous compliments.

Worn just as a great basic ankle boot under trousers is a great option as well! 

I have worn the Llynda Moore boots now pretty much every day since. I have had long work days in which I wanted to still feel pretty and stylish, but be comfortable, and those boots have served that purpose. I've already told all of my friends and clients who perform on stage about these revolutionary new boots.  When I explained to them that they would never have to worry about fit or falling off their heels at their gigs, they are over the moon! It happens more often than you think. 

I also have drummed in them for a good hour and a half with no problems whatsoever. Great for my clients on stage! 

For more information about how you can get a pair of boots for yourself, send me a message on my website:

www.ThePaytonProject.com/contact

or go to www.llyndamooreboots.com 

and elevate your fall/winter boot game from "Meh" to "On point!" in less than the time it takes Nancy Sinatra to learn how to dance properly.  Tell her I sent you.

https://youtu.be/SbyAZQ45uww 

How To Rock The Patchwork Trend: Fall 2015

Hey, readers!

Lots of excitement going on at the Payton Project headquarters! Runway shows, photo shoots, styling gigs, and much more is happening! It's ALL happening!

Speaking of "It's All Happening" Let's talk about Fall 2015 trends that are going to make people scratch their heads.  I'll tackle one every few weeks or so and show you how I personally like to style it, and how you can incorporate the look into your life to fit your needs.

It's no secret that the 70's are "in" again.  I attribute this to trends being a 20 year cyclical thing in fashion in general.  If not 20, then 40.  (For instance, in the 90's, there was a big surge of 70's inspired fashion, and the 90's were twenty years ago...stop to feel like an old fart here...and in the 80's, there was a lot of clear 1940's inspiration happening...think Joan Crawford shoulder pads on Dynasty.) So because everything 90's is "soooo retro" here we are.

I have mixed feelings about this being hip as a whole. I for one, have been dressing like it is 1973 for about the last ten years of my life.  That era has always resonated with me, and I found that the clothes were flattering for my body and lifestyle.  So I stuck with it.  I went through my phase of wearing truly terrible polyester vintage dresses (and I still have some) and part of me still will always wish for that time period of effortless glam.  So, I get why it's back.

It's also a bit odd for me to see sorority girls in bell bottoms and kimonos with Led Zeppelin t-shirts and big floppy hats...it seems a bit like "false advertising" as one of my fellow vintage enthusiast friends said of girls he was trying to date.  But, nonetheless, it's here.  And while the general rule stands that if you can buy the item at a fast fashion chain ala Forever 21 or H&M, the trend is dead...I like to look to the runways! Paying attention to the shows for next season will help you get a head start on what you wish to bring to your style to the table for the upcoming season.  Luckily enough for me, the high fashion trends are inspired by vintage clothes...most of which I've had hanging in my closet for years!  Today, I am going to talk about one that was seen all over the Fall 2015 runways.  Patchwork!

Fall 2015: Burberry, Chloe, Lanvin 

And then there's these babies! Prada made these for their Fall 2015 collection.  Imagine my shock when I realized I had my version of the originals in my closet! 

These booties are sold at Neiman Marcus. It said to inquire for the price in store.  Which means...ridiculously expensive!

And here are mine.  These were a thrift store purchase in 2006.  I paid fifteen dollars for them.  I've managed to keep them in good shape over time.  Make sure when you are purchasing vintage footwear, you have something that is sturdy, or you might as well be throwing money out the window.

These cost me $15 9 years ago. Which means, cost per wear? They've paid for themselves...three times or more over!

Because I work in a creative field, and I work for myself, I am pretty free to wear whatever I want, as long as it translates to "I can make you look cool on your album cover/for your show." or whatever message I am trying to communicate to my clients.  In my personal style, I am trying to stay away from my familiar and comfortable bohemian style, and go for more of a Jane Birkin in the 70's/Jerry Hall vibe.  I am leaning more towards tailored things, going a little lighter on the makeup (for me) and am trying to perfect that effortless chic of French 70's fashion.  It's only a slight step to the side, but it is nice to walk in to a room in a tailored suit that's full of fringe kimonos from Wet Seal.  

So, how did I wear them?  My lovely photographer parter, Nathan managed to snap a few photos to show you.  

Me and My Arrow. And my patchwork boots.

I paired my dark skinny jeans with one of his button downs with the sleeves rolled up at first.  If you guys follow me on Instagram (@PayTripper) you will see my gold 70's tassle necklaces that I am obsessed with (This one is from Pura Vida Vintage--one of my favorites) I threw a long one on over along with my gold cuff, and a cocktail ring for some added glamor.  You should always wear ONE thing a day at least that makes you feel glamorous!  But then, I really wanted to wear my latest score...a vintage purple Halston cropped jacket that I picked up while thrifting.  It fits me like a glove!  This shade of purple is also everywhere this fall.  Try using it in place of navy.  It's more versatile than you think..

Best $6.99 I've spent in ages.  

     For my friends that work in an office environment that want to try this out, I recommend sticking to ONE piece of patchwork, and letting that be the main focus.  I'm seeing a lot of great patchwork flats, and even handbags right now.  Try pairing a pair of trousers with a cropped jacket, and adding a patchwork bootie instead of a black flat.  Get a great oversized patchwork tote in warm brown colors instead of your basic briefcase.  Have fun with it!  

The Prada python patchwork bag. White tee, plus a gorgeous dark wash trouser jean, big sunglasses, and this bag.  An instant touch of effortless chic. 

I'm even beginning to see this trend manifest itself in denim patchwork...even so much as to seeing a high fashion version of the 90's Jnco jeans.  I'm still not quire sure how I feel about it.  (Besides old.) 

This trend can go from fun and chic to costumey really quickly, though.  So proceed with caution!

#NeverForget

Have fun with it, guys! Do you think you'll be adding patchwork pieces to your wardrobe this Fall?  Will you be investing in the Prada pieces or digging through your mom's closet to see if she has the originals?  Let me know in the comments below how you feel about it!

Also, because I didn't want the Spears/Timberlake photo to be the one I left you with, here's a gratuitous family shot of my favorite photographer slash doggie co-parent , Nathan Cox, and our little one.  Two of my favorite men.  (And well dressed to boot.)

Follow me on Instagram for more: @PayTripper 

This, Not That: Fashionable Substitutes For Lazy People

Hey, readers!

One of the biggest concerns my clients have  is on how to cultivate their everyday style.  Since I mostly work with artists, the challenge of working with someone who has an on-stage persona is getting their off stage look to be cohesive.

Some people were born with an innate sense of their individual style, and how they want to present themselves.  I for one, know nothing about what that is like:

Or maybe I do.

But, with cultivating my overall personal style has come years of successes and failures, trial and error, and falling into comfort zones.  But, there is a difference between comfort zones, and dressing because it's comfortable.  In the words of Tim Gunn

We have become a nation of slobs!  It is commonplace to see people out and about in their pajamas, if not something similar.  We have fallen into the comfort trap, and have decided that if it's not swallowing us, or shoes made of rubber, that they are "fussy" or "trying too hard" Knock that crap off.  Here are some substitutes for your uniforms to amp up your look to make you look like you're not about to go to the gym or to bed.

If you love oversized t-shirts...  Get a t-shirt dress!

T-shirt dresses are a wonderful way to get that oversized, unflattering, and baggy shirt out of your system.  T-shirt dresses can be paired with nearly every different type of shoe...a ballet flat, a gladiator sandal, or like I do with chunky sandals.  In the fall and winter, I pair mine with a pair of great boots. Throw on your favorite long necklace, and you get the familiar feeling of your stained, oversized tee and look like you paid your light bill on time!

Grey t-shirt dress from People Like Art March 2015

If you live in flip flops or the dreaded Ugg boots...Put some pep in your step with some beautiful ballet flats or gladiator sandals in Summer, and riding boots when it's cold!

As Tim Gunn mentioned above, flip flops are meant for the showers at the gym, and should be left to that alone.  These rubber shoes were designed to be sanitary, not stylish.  There are so many great options for other flat sandals, and in the fall and winter, riding boots are always an option for those who are worried about a heel. 

Claudia Schiffer manages to slay on a Starbucks run in a causal sweater and riding boots. This look would not have this impact if she were wearing flip flops! 

Victoria Beckham and Reese Witherspoon make errands look effortless chic in ballet flats.  Dressed up with a pair of tights and a solid dress, or a causal trench and skinny jeans, these shoes are a definite if comfort is your main concern.

And for summer, invest in a pair of cork wedges. These dressed up my vintage Stones tee and denim hot pants...because everyone needs to feel good about their trip to Home Depot. 

If you like to wear sweats...trade out for some great denim and a jacket!

Find what sillhouete of jeans look best on your body type.  Skinny jeans aren't necessarily going to be flattering on everybody, and the same goes for high-waisted, flares, and boyfriend jeans.  Personally, I think dark bootcut jeans with a bit of stretch works great for every single body.  Now, denim isn't as rough and tough as it used to be.  Find some with some spandex in, and invest in two great pairs instead of five cheap pairs.  This will also make you feel like there's a little bit of luxe in your closet! 

As far as an alternative to your favorite hoodie?  Try a blazer over a band tee, or a cropped bomber! These are classic, and you will look like it's not laundry day.  Basic black is always a great go-to, but I like to add a pop of color as well.  I just picked up a beautiful vintage crushed velvet purple blazer that I am so excited to bust out this Autumn! 

Or this lightweight salmon colored blazer that came from Trunk in Nashville this year.  I styled it with an airy tank and some turquoise and coral jewelry. This was a great look for Spring and Summer.

Prime example of the clothes making the man. Ben Bradford styled by me. Dark denim bootcut with the most beautiful couture jacket made by Eric Adler. Sweatshirt-0 Trenchcoat-2949473829

Other alternatives that I am a huge fan of that merge style with comfort?  Military jackets are a favorite of mine, a cropped dark denim, or a faux fur vest for the more daring.  Style and comfort don't have to be complete polar opposites!

Obviously, this is the tip of the iceberg in the long list of stylish substitutes to make you look more polished.  Because if I have to see another pair of Ugg boots and a Juicy tracksuit at the airport, I'm going to scream! Remember, readers.  Not only will you feel better about yourself overall, but like Tom Ford said:

So, go and be polite! (And fashionable!) 

Closet Case: What Should And Shouldn't Be In Your Closet

Hello, readers!

Being a stylist means that I get access into the deepest depths of my clients souls...AKA their closets  A true stylist will more or less pull your inner most self out, and then dress you in a way that brings that person out from you in the most flattering way (and a great one is under budget when that happens too!) As someone who has collected clothing for over a decade, I know how easy it is to build up quite the archive of clothing and accessories.  However, I was one of those people that fell into "A closet full and nothing to wear." I've recently remedied that, and want to share with you (in my opinion) what should and should not be in your closet so we can avoid that awful cliche of being perpetually late and chronically under dressed!

Step one. Pull everything out, and try it on.
I know this sucks. I really do. Remember, I just went through this myself! But, I don't think what most people realize is that the reason they never have anything to wear is because nothing fits them! For me, I had a difficulty getting dressed and feeling great about what I was wearing because nothing fit me!

Step two. Make piles!
OK, now that you've gone through the emotional roller coaster of trying every single piece of clothing you own on, pour yourself a drink (I got myself an iced coffee to take the edge off for this one) and let's begin shuffling! Make piles that fall under the categories as follows:

• Keep. These pieces fit you immaculately, and are ready to wear as is right now, or have extreme sentimental value to you.  For instance, I won't ever throw away the very first vintage dress I ever bought, (because it created my obsession and later, my career) but I did donate all of the rest of the unwearable vintage mini polyester dresses (because they aren't flattering, and I'll never wear them again!) 

The dress that started it all.

• Sell. Maybe you have some designer gems hiding in there that you don't wear any longer.  Guess what? They might be considered vintage now! There are several specialty stores that may buy them, or you can even open your own Ebay store! Hello, extra money!
• Donate. These are items that don't fit you any longer, and have no street value, but would make someone else's day. Donate these to your favorite thrift store. And don't leave the bags in the backseat of your car until they drive you crazy (like I did.)
• Mend/Repair/Tailor. This pile was rather large for me. Having lost weight, naturally, my clothes fit differently. I had a pair of high waisted Chloe jeans that I just couldn't part with. In my case, I am teaching myself how to sew, so when I feel ready, I will tackle that hurdle.  Find a Mom and Pop tailor (make sure you read Yelp! reviews first) and make friends.  Everyone should have a good tailor on hand!

Step three is fun. Make your list. And then let's shop! 

There are things in every one's closet that they should own.  When you look at your closet, your clothing should be friends, as opposed to relatives at an awkward family reunion.  Believe it or not, most stylists are in favor of their clients having a uniform of the same silhouette that flatters, but is also slightly varied so you don't look too stuck! This is where I recommend hiring a professional to be an extra eye, and to be your tour guide in the world of fashion.  Here is my basic list of things that every woman needs! 

• Two pairs of dark denim that fit you properly.  I adore Rachel Zoe and Paige jeans in dark denim. Buy dark denim, and buy QUALITY denim! Even if you go to a Nordstrom Rack, or a TJ Maxx. Invest in your jeans.  Keep your cuts classic and not too trendy in this case.  Once you have your two pairs, then you can play with trendier cuts and washes when you have your basics! Which leads me to...

Rachel Zoe in her own denim. This is how I style mine more or less...minus the adorable tiny human!

• Basic tops and tees.  I know it seems like shopping for basic isn't nearly as fun, but this was actually fun for me! After I purged my closet, I purchased designer tops in white, navy, and black (at under $5 a pop! Bonus of being a stylist who knows where to shop!) I have actually come up with more ensembles based on a simple top! I personally love People Like Art, a local company run by a lovely woman named Shannon. She lovingly hand dyes and makes every single garment from luxurious, yet casual fabrics. They can be styled effortlessly from day to night. And her model may look familiar to you too! 
  
• Two little black dresses.  One for day made out of a jersey knit or a cotton, and a more formal.  These will get you through every single events you will ever face.  Dinners, dates, weddings, and funerals are all appropriate LBD occasions.  My favorites are DVF wrap dresses. They are classic and are the perfect transitional dress from office to cocktails. Invest in these. They can be styled a million ways to Sunday, and you will get the mileage out of them. 

How could you not want to wear a creation by a woman like that?

• Black knee high boots.  Get ones with a little heel. They can be worn dressed up or down...with a trench and skinny jeans, or a dress in the fall. Nothing says classic sexy like black knee high boots!
• A black bag and a brown bag.  It doesn't have to be a designer bag.  It just needs to be quality! Don't skip out on quality with these...you will carry your life around in them! This is where vintage comes in handy.  I have many vintage designer bags that I have picked up for under $20. 
• One formal gown you feel beautiful in. Check out your local consignment shops for these.  You never know when you will be given an extra ticket to the symphony, or need a black tie wedding ensemble.  
•  A clutch that is versatile. My favorite is a little gold vintage one that I picked up at a vintage boutique down the street.  It's from the 60's, and is gold...I often pair it with jeans as well for a pop of sparkle.
• Sunnies in black and brown. You wouldn't believe the extra boost to your outfit you'll have when your sunglasses match.

I prefer over sized and gradient, but pick whatever works for your face shape that makes you feel glamorous. 

• Jewelry that is a conversation starter. I have my grandmother's vintage fox cuff bracelet from the 70's that never fails to be a subtle attention grabber.  It doesn't have to be expensive, but it needs to make you feel special every time you put it on! When I need a little oomph to my outfits, I always try to throw on a few vintage pieces to guarantee that no one else has my exact outfit.  It doesn't have to be vintage. Maybe it's a pair of diamond studs, or some colored shoes...whatever makes you feel a little extra special! 

My newest and most favorite clutch, a gold cuff, two vintage onxy rings (one is actually a lipstick holder) and the fox bracelet! It's become one of my signatures!

I highly recommend making a list of what your closet needs, and either keeping it on your phone or on a post-it in your wallet.  That way, when you're out and distracted by all the things you tend to normally gravitate towards, you will have a reminder to stay on your game. I also suggest that if it is possible, for you to hire a stylist or a personal shopper to walk you through this process.  I am a stylist, and even I will bring a long a stylist when I shop sometimes! It's always great to have a trained eye with a taste level and aesthetic similar to yours, or what you would like to aspire to be.  Make inspiration boards on Pinterest, or actual boards with magazines and a cork board! I have one for the upcoming seasons so I will have a look that is consistent and gives me a streamlined vision for the pieces to incorporate into my Fall/Winter looks.  

My board has fabric swatches, notes, magazine clippings, and all sorts on it!

Feel free to contact me at www.ThePaytonProject.com/contact to schedule a closet consultation (I also do Skype meetings!) and personal shopping trips.

Happy shopping, readers! Go out and own it!

And remember to throw a leopard print in the mix while you're at it! Some days just call for it. 

What They Don't Tell You About Losing Weight

Hey, readers.

I've tried to write this blog several times now, and have only been left with drafts in my archives for the last month.  This topic is very personal for me, as I'm sure it is to many of you as well.

I ran into my friend Stacie a few weeks ago.  Stacie is a photographer, videographer, and blogger for the Huffington Post.  She also has lost 150 lbs.  We stumbled into each other at a local hangout, and caught up outside the establishment.  The topic turned to the inevitable...weight loss, and how the world reacts differently to us now that we are smaller than before.  We were the only friend the other had who knew what it was like to be "fat shamed" and "skinny shamed" in such a short time span. That conversation has weighed on my heart ever since (no pun intended) and I finally believe I am ready to fully articulate what it means to me.

My journey began nearly three years ago.  I had moved out on my own and realized that if I kept eating out every meal that I would quickly be broke, and have to move back home.  Horrified at the thought, I looked up "cheap vegetarian meals" and somehow ended up down the rabbit hole of the online vegan community.  This lead to me watching the film "Forks Over Knives" and getting my hands on a copy of "Skinny Bitch".  I haven't looked back since.

At a size 16, and nearly pushing 190 pounds, I began my vegan lifestyle.  I started out puffy, with a large muffin top, terrible skin, cellulite, and a severe case of depression.  Today, I stand at 5'9" weigh around 125, and am a size 4/6. When I stand with my feet together, my thighs don't touch.  My cellulite is gone.  I now have muscle definition.  My depression has become so much better, as well as my overall health...all great things!  However, along with these vast improvements to my life, I had no idea that I had so much more in store for me.


At the beginning of my shift, I was in a relationship.  When I started to lose weight, he became terribly self conscious, and essentially kept me in a cycle that guaranteed no one would have the opportunity to look at me.  It was like being held hostage. Any time we would go out, someone would say "Wow! You look great! Congratulations!" and he would tell me he liked me better the size I was before, and I was more beautiful to him then.  It loosely translated to "I liked you better when you were broken like I am." I broke that off about a year after I started to lose weight.  I learned that misery does indeed love company. 

The stress I was under caused me a nasty case of adrenal fatigue, and I gained back about fifteen pounds. This sent me into a tailspin. How could I have gained back fifteen pounds? My entire identity had been wrapped up in Payton-who-lost-60-pounds-going-vegan. Not Sort-of-fat-but-not-as-fat-before-Payton! However, at this time in my transition, I have never been hit on, or asked out on more dates more.  I swear, men prey on women like this, sometimes.  That, or they sense a sort of desperation, or  someone who needs validation, or maybe they think a chubby girl is a safer bet. Either way, I was approached more at this awkward in between stage than any other time in my life.  Not fat, but chubby enough to feel approachable is what I called myself in this time period.  I went out of my way to impress people then.  I tried to make everyone like me.  I made a lot of errors in judgement with this new sense of "I'm not good enough"

I thought "Oh, I'll go on some weight loss boards, and get connected to a community of women just like me!" When I posted my story, along with my before and after photos, and revealed my struggles with the newfound weight gain, I was shocked that there were just as many bullies in these boards as the rest of the Internet.  Complete strangers would look at my progress photos and tell me that I wasn't even that fat to begin with, and I had no right to talk about how hard my process was when their after pictures look like my before.  Even when I mentioned recovering from eating disorders, and BDD, they said that I was a phony, and not welcome on their boards.  When I tried to turn to the comfort of people in a similar boat as I was, I was shunned for "not being fat enough." I wish I were making this up.  I learned that even in the "body positive/weight loss community" that there are still bullies, and in some cases, there are bullies even greater than the ones you face on the street, or the demons you fight when you look in the mirror. 

Shortly after that, when I started to get down to the size that is considered by American standards as "thin" and could identify myself as a "skinny person" that the people around me started to treat me differently.  When I was a size 8, I had everyone in my family cheering me on.  They would brag to their friends about how much I had lost, and how proud they were.  And then, when I became smaller than they did, that's when I saw the shift. On several occasions, I have had a handful of my family members tell me I looked anorexic.  As someone who has dealt with this in the past, I was so deeply hurt.  Imagine if I told my overweight relatives that they looked Type 2 Diabetic because they were getting fat! You can't tell someone they look like they have a disease based on their body type, and not expect it to hurt. Yet, when I was younger and heavy, they told me I needed to lose weight, and I was unhealthy.  I learned that some people only want you to succeed, just as long as you don't do better than them.

I am incredibly sensitive and introverted, and have social anxiety in situations that involve me spending time with people my own age, or in a crowded bar (and don't get me started on small talk.  It makes me want to crawl in a hole) Before, when I would go out and start to shut down, I was just considered shy, and awkward.  Now, people take it as I am stuck up, and a "skinny bitch" who thinks she's too good.  When in fact, I just want to go home and be with the dog if I can't be with people who I consider to be "safe". I learned that your appearance effects how people perceive your hangups. 

And last, but not least.  I've learned that no one tells you the voices in your head don't go away.  I wish that with every size four pants I pull on over my legs that I didn't feel like the awkward girl in junior high with braces and glasses, who was begging for the boy in the next desk over to notice her.  I learned that you are always going to find something wrong with your body that you are going to want to fix.  I'm just as much that pubescent, awkward, somewhat shy little girl who just wants to be loved as I am the strong, lean, woman that I am today.  The voices don't go away when I step on a set to model.  The voices don't stop when my partner tells me that I am beautiful, and perfect the way I am.  Over time, they get quieter, and I've learned how to shut them up for the most part...but, no...they never truly cease.  I wish someone had told me that one years ago.

Everyone has it within themselves to get healthy, to shed the pounds, to gain the muscle, and to reclaim their lives when they feel like they have lost it.  Carrying around excess weight physically isn't something that has to be permanent...the resources are out there to rid yourself of that burden.  Just be sure that when you do start, that you're prepared for the mental that goes along with it.

I still wouldn't change a single step of this trip for the world. This has been an eye-opening experience, and I am so grateful that this has given me an opportunity to grow (and shrink) as a person.  I am always going to be a work in progress be it spiritually, mentally, or physically, and I think that my biggest lesson out of everything that I need to really focus on, is being happy with myself in the present moment...because that's all we truly have.  That one, I'm working on.

Go forth and conquer, readers.  And make sure you eat some vegetables while you do it.